Saturday, June 2, 2012

Again.

I have been kind of down lately.  I know, I know, this is a blog and everyone in bloggerland loves to portray a happy-go-lucky, peachy-keen, rose-colored glasses, my-life-is-perfect-why-isn't-yours kind of an attitude.  No one likes to admit to being a failure.  But I do feel like a colossal failure these days.

We are back to the weight issue.  Again.  I am a personal trainer.  I work out every single day.  I eat healthy foods.  But obviously I'm doing something wrong because I am a heck of a lot bigger than I want to be.  Again.

The pictures of me running the Bolder Boulder came back from the photographer and I wanted to claw my eyes out.  I'm wondering what the spectators thought as I lumbered past..."Since when do they let wildebeests run 10Ks?"
Well, maybe wildebeest isn't the best comparison.  My legs are much bigger.  I will spare you the trauma of actually looking at my Bolder Boulder pictures.  You are welcome.


I love this.  It makes me laugh.

I came across a blog yesterday that was fascinating to me (beware of the language!!)  This girl has recently had her second baby and blogs about her weight loss efforts--posting pictures of her body as it changes and even posting pictures of the number she sees on the scale!!  That takes serious guts.  I don't know it I'm there yet (ok, I know I'm not--I don't even want to look at the number on the scale.)  But I'm excited to follow someone (who is even the same height as me) as she goes through the process of losing weight.

I know there has to be other people out there like me.  My weight gain is not due to pregnancy, more to a rapidly slowing metabolism due to age and the fact that I am an emotional eater who lives a stressful life.  Hopefully if I am more honest with myself and my readers, I will be more accountable and be able to lose the weight.  Again.

I am so tired of this roller coaster.  I know my weight is in the "acceptable" range, but I hate what I look like and the way it makes me feel, emotionally.  I feel depressed about it.  I dwell on it constantly.  I compare myself with everyone I see. And then I get more depressed.  And as this is a blog about having a healthy family, I would just like to point out that having a mom who is depressed about her weight and feels fat is not ideal.

So, onward and upward.  Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right?

6 comments:

  1. I know you do some Pilates, but maybe you could try adding in 2 or 3 Yoga sessions a week. I know your schedule is already packed, but you could substitute the Yoga for a couple of hours on the bike or elliptical. Even though the calorie burn isn't quite as high for an exercise like Yoga (as opposed to higher intensity cardio), I really, really think you would benefit from it's relaxation and calming effects. I've heard of many women losing weight simply by doing Yoga because of it's overall health benefits. As you know, stress can cause your body to produce Cortisol and hang on to fat as sort of a survival mechanism. The more stressed you are, the harder it is to lose weight. For someone with a busy, hectic and stressful life such as you have, it might be worth a try.

    Just try to remember all the things you have accomplished so far, like just doing the Bolder Boulder 10K, which is more than most people ever do. Then set small goals. I like the ideas presented in that blog you referred to - accountability through daily blogging and being honest about the ups and downs. I think you're right on the money that many women bloggers (for the most part) try to portray the "glamorous" side of things, sometimes ignoring the reality. I'm probably guilty of it, too. We all want to present our best selves, but it's the blogs where people are brutally honest that I learn the most and can usually connect with the most! Good luck with your goals. I know you can do anything you set your mind to.

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    1. I really love, love, love Yoga, and my CrossFit trainer has recommended more stretching. I usually just do it on Sundays because it seems to be a good Sunday exercise. You do the Jillian Michaels one, don't you? I used to do one that I loved on Netflix, but they don't carry it anymore, so I need to find another.

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    2. I do use (and like) the Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown, but that one is a little more high-intensity than some of the other Yoga I've done. There used to be one on Netflix (I think it was called Yoga for Health and Healing, or something like that) that was about an hour long and more for deep stretching, relaxing and breathing.

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  2. I'm so impressed by your dedication to working out. I know I'm going to need to be really dedicated in order to lose the baby weight after this next one arrives so you've been a total inspiration to me.

    I like the Yoga suggestion made in the comment above. Maybe focus on the stress instead of weight? Personally, I think you look amazing, but on the other hand I know what it's like to not be happy with what you see in the mirror.

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    1. Casey, that is so nice of you to say, and I really appreciate your understanding. Sometimes I hesitate to say that I am unhappy with my looks because I don't want people to think that I'm fishing for compliments or something. I'm also aware that to a lot of people think they would like my shape over the one they currently have but I still am not happy with it and I know my potential and I just have to be honest! I wish I didn't feel this way and care so much, but for right now I do.

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    2. Okay, ignore the mistakes in that last comment...it's been a long day!

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Lemme hear ya!