:(

I should have known something was up yesterday.  I was dragging all day.  My legs felt heavy and I felt weak.  By mid-afternoon I was having body aches--not "oh, I worked out too hard" body aches, more like "oh, I am starting to get sick" body aches.  I kept trying to ignore it.  I took it easy, tried to rest, kept telling myself that I was fine.  That I certainly was NOT coming down with the nasty chest cold that Lincoln has.  By the time we loaded up our bikes and started the drive down to Colorado Springs, I had a horrible headache and the beginnings of a sore throat.  But I was not going to let anything stop me.

Off for a sleepover in the Springs!

This morning we woke up, got properly oiled, creamed, bandaged, hydrated and fed and headed over to the race.  We had plenty of time to get set up in transition, make some new friends, hit body-marking and scout out the course.  I also made sure to take a ton of meds--I'm still on the high dose of steroids for my heart, plus my other daily meds and ibuprofen for my body aches and knee.  They started the warm up swim at 8:30 and right away I noticed that something was off.  I couldn't seem to catch my breath.  I have never had that problem before.  I figured maybe it was just nerves.

Ready to go!!

Our heat started at 9:18.  I ran with everyone else right into the water and started swimming.  How many times have I done that swim?!  I really can't even count how many times I have swum a half mile.  I can't even count how many times I have done twice that!  I have NEVER had a problem.  But today, I literally could not breathe.  After maybe five strokes I was gasping for air.  I had to turn over onto my back to try to get some air.  My heart was hurting, my chest was hurting and I couldn't breathe.  I kept going, but every time I tried to do freestyle, I was just gasping for breath.   Something I've noticed--when you are in the middle of a giant lake and realize you are unable to breathe, and struggling to swim, you start to freak out.  I tried to quell the growing feelings of panic because having an anxiety attack in the middle of a lake is not ideal.

Finally, after watching everyone from the two waves AFTER me (including the 50+ crowd) pass me and realizing that even though I was praying that I would be able to just finish this part and just get out of the water, I recognized the fact that God helps those who help themselves.  I am NOT a quitter.  I did not want to quit.  But I also didn't want to die.  Halfway through the measly half mile swim I made my way over to the guy on the jet ski and told him I was done.  I was shaking so violently I couldn't really even pull myself up onto it.  He took me to a boat and eventually I got back to shore.

I was very, very upset and disappointed.  I still am.  I trained so hard for this.  I thought I might have trouble with the run, with my knee issues.  Or maybe with my bike and the tricky shoes.  It NEVER occurred to me that I would struggle with the swim.  I know I can do it!  I have done it so many times!  But I think I need to be healthy.  I came home and crashed--I feel miserable, still achy and shaky and headachy and sore and feverish and SICK.  I guess in a way it's good to know that I have an excuse for quitting.

The next tri I am signed up for is on August 11th.  The swim is in a pool.  I think that will be good, because I think I am going to be having nightmares about being in that open water and not being able to breathe for a long time.  It really was terrifying.  I think it is going to be a mental obstacle for me to overcome.

Well, you know what they say...if at first you don't succeed--TRI, TRI again.  Just as soon as I get better.

Congratulations to Becca who finished her frist tri with flying colors--and without a partner!!!  I am so proud of her!!