Post race thoughts

Well, I feel like I am slowly re-entering the land of the living.  Saturday after the race I just kept feeling worse and worse--physically.  On Sunday I didn't even get out of bed until the late afternoon.  I had a high fever all day and just felt miserable--chills, body aches, a massive headache and feeling like there was a huge weight settled on my chest.  I slept most of the day yesterday and when I would occasionally wake up I would take medicine and think about the race that wasn't.  I kept asking myself if I could have pushed myself harder and finished.  I kept wondering if all of you were thinking "If it was me I totally would have finished."  I felt insanely jealous as I looked at the pictures of my dear friend Becca crossing the finish line.  I wanted that moment for myself so badly.  But then I realized that I couldn't even sit up in bed without getting winded and I realized that I did the right thing.  I couldn't have finished.  I was sick.  Whether or not I admitted it at the time, I was not feeling 100%.  It was incredibly bad timing.  And that gave me hope for the next race.  Because I will do this if it kills me!  (Which it was close to doing in that lake, but I prefer to block those panicky feelings from my mind...)

And if some of you are thinking that if it was you, you would have pushed through and finished, more power to you.  I often find myself thinking things like that when I watch Survivor.  "How could they quit?  I would never quit!"  But really, you don't know what you will do until you are put into a situation.  I still feel quite traumatized by that helpless feeling of not being able to breathe.  It was scary.  Anyway, maybe I'm not as hard core as some of you, but I'm okay with what I am.  And I so appreciate the many kind comments I have gotten from you guys--especially from Casey this morning telling me it takes courage to listen to my body when it's warnings come at inconvenient times.  Thank you.  I like putting a courageous spin on it.

This morning I met with the Cardiologist and got my echocardiogram.  It's basically just an ultrasound of your heart.  Brought back a lot of fun memories.  I like baby ultrasounds better.  Anyway, the good news is that there is no fluid build up around my heart, so it's just that the pericardium is inflamed.  (Same old diagnosis.)  The bad news is, the Cardiologist asked me how my doctor has been treating it and I told her I was on prednisone and how it has decreased the pain significantly.  She said, "Oh!  We don't give prednisone for Pericarditis!  It increases the risk of reoccurrence."  Um, okay.  Well I'm almost done with the prescription, so...

Anyway, I came home and have been sleeping all morning, but I'm starting to feel a bit better.  My fever finally broke last night and the fact that I am able to sit here and type is comforting.  I will get better and I will do a tri!!!  Pray for my lungs to be back in full health by August 11th!!!